if and only if

i would if i could
but i can't so i won't

not unless...

you know what i knew
and i knew what you know

maybe then...

you could be us
and i would be we

---

so i had a picture of me and luz set as my wallpaper a few weeks ago. i simply liked the pic because it caught us in a "candid" moment. of course the moment my officemates saw my wallpaper it elicited a series of querries that eventually led to the question.

officemate : uuuyyy! sino 'yan?
me : a wala. friend ko. si luz.
officemate : friend? girlfriend mo yan e.
me : 'de. friend ko lang talga yan. friends lang kami. (ang showbiz!)
officemate : hinde e. girlfriend mo yan!

last week though i changed my wallpaper to a tiled picture of my sassy girl which i acquired from jem's friendster account. an agent noticed it and this is how our little exchange went.

agent : uuuyyy! sino 'yan? asawa mo?
me : ha?! ano?
agent : 'yang nasa computer.
me : a. wala. si sassy girl yan.
agent : akala ko asawa mo. maganda sya.

today i have a new wallpaper. and as would luck would have it, after i turned on my pc, my boss saw it.

bossing : uuyy. sino 'yan?
me : ha e. wala po. friends ko po.
bossing : friends? sinong type mo dyan? yung naka-yellow?
me : ha? wala po. friends ko lang po yan. (at this time i was already opening a spreadsheet.)
bossing : o, tinago na!

---

now i'm a having second thoughts if i should go to our homecoming this weekend. as rico would put it,

"nakita ko na ang mga gusto kong makita."

links

it is such a secret place, the land of tears.

hi fans!

i'm back... indefinitely.

---

haven't blog for quite a while now. the terminal server of our branch is out of commision leaving us with no net access which then ultimately led my now undivided attention to my work.

ang bilis ng karma.

but now that i've been purged of the vile thoughts thet were once forming in my almost defiled mind after i was put in that teeth grinding kuliti inducing disposition, or should i say position, and also now that i've repented my unfinished transgression and my pseudo voyeurism, don't i deserve a little redemption?

sigh. such a deprived little boy i am.

---

alam mo ba na sa piso lang mapapasaya mo na ako?

sadyang napakababaw ng kaligayahan ko...

---

i'm using an account that's not mine so that i can have instant access. this is our secret ha?

card

i have a confession to make, cardinal.

i don't read forwarded e-mails. i don't know why, but i just find it impersonal.

there was a time that i had the patience to read those repetitive messages. but these days the moment i see the letters FW, delete delete delete.

---

i got to finish orson scott card's ender's shadow last weekend. although not as exciting as ender's game, card picking bean as the protagonist and writing the novel in bean's perspective added more flavor to ender's exploits, as well as sheding much needed light to bean's dark character.

a good read indeed.

---

downloaded the featured tekken 5 vidz at zaibatsu last saturday. watched it with awe. sweet! didn't see lei in action. but i did saw fei workin' it and am now quite interested in the guy. (not in that way, foo!) hope that the card system will be implemented here in the philippines.

dance the paranoia

ring ring ring ring ring ring ring.
a spare. surprise. beginner's luck.
eighty four. scratch a win. nakana!
banana phone.
gutter gutter. laughter. check. fly's not open.
"you're quite the anti-social, aren't you?" yes. pretty much.
ping pong ping pong ping pong ping.
laughter laughter. lookey. nothing in between my toothy. gutter.
sixty one. mark a loss. anak ng pating!
banana phone.
no X's. want X's.
group highest. one hundred forty five. lei. ff+3. d/f+1+2. ff+2.
ding dong ding dong ding dong ding
thumb sore. pinkie ache. shoulder pain.
la dee da. ho hum.
banana phone.

---

paano na lang ako kung wala ka?
buti na lang nandyan ka.

kumbaga sa bowling ikaw ay ten pin

i can't help but to hum that song. (please refer to title. [do any of you guys know the band who sang it?] )

---

me and my officemates will participate in our company's annual bowling tournament to be held at powerbowl at the power plant mall later this evening. ha! bowling. i think that the last time that i bowled was during high school. back then, and i think until now, i'm not much of a bowler. good thing that i've been ranked the lowest in my team. better that they don't expect me to pull off a paeng nepomuceno. (as if!)

---

our team name sucks! red bull. bull!

team members were required to submit their team names based on their designated color. i was about to suggest a team name but it was too late. demmet. i would've prefered the redmanizers over red bull.

but i think my suggestion wouldn't fly with my teammates.

my suggestion: red-ford white

---

~this happened a week ago during a car ride with my friends~

me : can be! can be! (while staring at a girl passing by)
friend : etong si jam lagi na lang ganyan pag may nakikita.
me : bakit ba?
friend : ang ano mo. . .
me : pagbigyan mo na ko. hanggang tingin lang naman ako e.

~this happens when i'm with jae~

a panalo girl walks by.
me : add. add. add.
jae : add. add. add.

-or-

a panalo girl walks by.
jae : add. add. add.
me : add. add. add.

~this happens when i'm alone going home from work passing gb and glorietta~

i see a pwede! girl
in my mind : how you doin'? (ala joey triviani)

-or-

i see a pwede! girl
in my mind : wassup?! (ala will ferrel)

home alone

yesterday was adobo day. i had adobo for lunch because i couldn't resist aling prime's tasty dish. and i ate adobo for dinner because i had no choice. well i did have other options but i opted for the one that didn't involve me spending my money (by the way i'm broke) and using what little energy i had left from yesterday's frantic but dull pace. i hate to say this but manang optimus's (as i'd like to call her) adobo is better than my mom's. but my mom's is free. so i guess it's better. eheh.

---

being home alone has its advantages and disadvantages. disadvantages are the added responsibility of taking care of the house, preparing my own food, and nobody to talk to (although when i'm at home i seldom talk to the people there). advantages are. . . uhmm. . . well i can only think of one advantage as of the moment so i guess it should be just an advantage. well the advantage is i get to watch what i want and not be "forced" to watch those telenovelas especially marina(bleh!) and that soap hiram, where heart plays as the iyakin margaret who is in love with harry the ugly farmboy, (but i'd wager that he'd turn into a pretty boy) played by an eigenman. i should stop now.

so i got to watch csi and alias while i was reading ender's shadow by orson scott card during commercial breaks. csi's episode was typical but still entertaining. the episode of alias was, and as always is, accompanied with twists that is reminescent of plot turns in a soap. come to think of it alias is like a soap but much better because the story doesn't revolve so much around sydney and vaughn's affair. plus the show has fighting scenes and features jennifer garner in those nice costumes.

also i got to catch this five minute cartoon on mtv, happy tree friends. ha! cute and morbid (like me. eheh.) it made me laughed like a lunatic.

---

so i had this dream where i was back in school. the teacher was handing out our gray test papers with the results. (so i guess the setting of my dream was in grade school.) there was a remark by my teacher on my paper that asked if i actually thought what i wrote. also i had an over perfect score. 28/27! woot woo! hehe.

maybe you guys can use the numbers that i've dreamt for betting on jueteng. rush to your local kobrador now! balato ha!

---

in-crush again. :)

five minute post

due to the content of my original post, which will undoubtedly offend most, i took the liberty of completely deleting it.

---

demmet. i'm stricken with tamaritis. too lazy to write. too lazy to work. could see my work pile up before my eyes. i must finish them.

but in the back of my mind i'm thinkin', "to hell with it! in a couple of weeks i won't be doing this." which really is a relief. but not completely.

pablo

the day is not hour by hour but pain by pain. . .

moo moo moo. . . dy

due to recent news that i've recently received regarding my work which got me in this current mood, i put off writing about the fabulous time i had with my friends last weekend.

instead, here is the gist of the places i've been to last weekend :

friday :

satrbucks (rockwell, makati city)


saturday :

avilon zoo (montalban, rizal)
max's (montalban[?], rizal)
pshs (diliman, quezon city)
shakeys (gb1, makati city)


sunday :

kfc (jupiter st., makati city)
power plant mall (rockwell, makati city)
gerry's grill (alabang town center, alabang)

---

fully booked is great! better than powerbooks. found there the complete set of ender's saga. drooled over book 4, children of the mind. will return there to purchase the book once i get my salary.

drool some more. . .

un-me

i think may gaydar is broken. for the past few days we had a call center trainee here at our office. i only found out that he was gay after my officemate pointed it out. thinking of that person with his bukayo and sapin-sapin stares makes me wanna reel. damn, looks can be deceiving.

(hey i have nothing against the third sex. its just that i don't like it when they make a pass at me.)

---

so i've finished my first hardcore romance novel, a kingdom of dreams by judith mcnaught. or judith mcnaught-Y as i would like to call her. ha! well to say the least, i got bored with the book although there were some "good" parts, if you know what i mean. i wanted to chuck the book halfway through it but i ended finishing it because i'm quite the sucker for happy endings. blah.

---

we'll be wishing on the same star
looking at the same moon
when you think about me baby
i'll be thinkin' of you

demmet. this song has been playing on my mind since i woke up. i don't know why.

help me.

cheese

woke up with a splitting headache. longed for a biogesic tablet. unfortunately we were out. had to buy one at our local sari-sari store. bleh! no biogesic. settled for an alaxan fr which i couldn't swallow without water. feeling a bit sick reminded of the countless of times i've teased my friends whenever they feel their coming down with something.

friend : parang magkaksakit ako a.
me : uuyyyy. may love-nat. alam ko gamot dyan. kiss-pirin at yakap-sule.

can't help but to smile after remembering that.

ang corny ko talaga. hehe.

---

tekkenized yesterday with decent players. lost with my chinaman team. but had a five winning streak with ogres. joystick was good. buttons where bad. no 3 and had to pound on the 2 produce the desired move. grrr... won the matches with f+2 and ss+4. eheh.

incapable

she brushed my mind last night. it's been a while since we've talked. i was about to text her but i reluctantly restrained myself from sending her the message i carefully composed.

mahirap kasing maghintay sa wala.

---

played TTT yesterday. eyesocked! grrr . . .

gets

last friday as i was browsing jae's LJ i came accross this entry which made me laughed so hard.

"...kaya sabi ng pari sa nanay, 'o eto ang limang piso, bumili ka ng blade.' "

at last

i thought that the only time i could justifiably utter the word panalo! when watching the up fighting maroons' games was only when their courtside reporter was doing her thang. but yesterday they won over the nu bulldogs, finally ending their losing streak and at long last meritting them my loud and resounding "panalo!" sa wakas . . .

---

i found it rather amusing whenever my friends asked a question pertaining to..., ehem, her, a question which isn't directed to anyone in particular but ultimately is directed to me, which in the end i am very much compelled to answer eventhough i have no idea whatsoever of what to tell them.

friend : 'di ba kumukuha sya ng blahblah yadayada?
long pause. all eyes on me.
me : eh? ewan!

friend : o ba't wala si xxxxxx?
me : aba ewan! 'di ba kasabay lang kitang dumating dito? ba't akong tinatanong mo?
friend : ewan. masarap lang itanong sayo. hehe.

leaving on a jet plane

pia faustino yer my hero! :j

good luck sa barcelona!

work work

i think i'm starting to like my job. i've realized that it's not that bad. the work is really easy except that the volume of work that has to be done is bewildering. i'd probably stick with my current job for at least a year 'coz by then my "marketability" would be considerably higher. and with hints from my boss that i'll be cross trained at our actuarial department, why should i think of leaving now?

---

i've salvaged some of my posts from the friendster bulletin board through my friendster inbox. ha! though i sure wish i can find a way to save them all...

---

i am gray amongst the swell of black and white, aimless in the puddle of my uncanny creation, my very own utopian limbo.

gf material

i was tempted to buy the latest issue of, gasp!, cosmo while i was at the mini stop trying to find some grub. why should i think such unmanly thoughts? well heart was on the cover. i didn't bought the ish because i figured that i could borrow a copy from my gal pals. i ended up buying an expensive pack of plastic strips (why don't they have them individually grr...) for my aching papercut streaked finger.

---

while i was lazily going through piles anf piles of paper on my shoebox, (yes i have a shoebox. but my shoebox is a looney toons plastic bag.) i came accross an application form. what's so special 'bout this application form? well let's find out...

=0=0=0=

position desired : girlfriend (for at least six (6) months)

name : xxxxxxxxx xxxxx x. xxxxxxx
age : 18
tel : xxx-xx-xx / 0917-xxx-xx-xx / 0918-xxx-xx-xx
school : ateneo de manila universty

qualifications :

- excellent dance dance rev dancer
- has her own dance pad at home
- drives her own honda civic
- can cook delicious gourmet food; excellent cullinary skills
- can type 75 words per minute
- into civic organizations & student government
- good in target shooting (pistol & rifle) lagot ka!! :P
- particularly loves the name "james"
- has 2 dimples
- optimistic and idealistic
- cute (sabi mo :) )

hobbies & interests :
- writing resumes
- speaking french
- looking for boyfriends
- playing dance dance rev and final fantasy viii

experience :
- minimal; not applicable

mission statement : i, and only i can make you happy!

=0=0=0=

i received this through a friend about five years ago. i was pretty amused then. but i just laughed and dismissed it as a joke.

who's laughing now?

forever

i was quite dissappointed with the last episode of piolo's max's commercial. it was anti-climactic to say the least. it wasn't as saccharine as i have expected it to be. bland! that's it. it was just plain bland.

karel's ponds commercial. now that's how you end a commercial series.

---

i was browsing my friendster's bulletin board and i was saddened that my earlier posts weren't there anymore. i know that most of what i posted were indeed mundane but i sure wish i had copies of what i've written. i remember some of them, but not all of them. is there any way i could recover what i've lost?

---

i just finished reading a einstein's dreams by allan lightman. what a great read! the book is a collection of thirty romanticized versions of time. quite light but nevertheless thought provoking and very entertaining. although the book's price is fairly steep its worth every centavo.

road trip + food + friends = one great weekend!

road trip :

friday, 23:27 - 00:17 >>> san pedro, laguna to makati city

saturday, 09:00 - 09:30 >>> makati city to teacher's village

09:48 - 11:15 >>> teacher's village to pulilan, bulacan

11:30 - 14:30 >>> pulilan, bulacan to porac, pampanga

15:59 - 16:48 >>> porac, pampanga to fontana, clark field

18:15 - 18:25 >>> fontana, clark field to puregold, clark field

18:45 - 19:11 >>> puregold, clark field to nepo mall, angeles city

19:42 - 20:18 >>> nepo mall, angeles city to porac, pampanga

23:31 - 00:15 >>> porac, pampanga to coffee overdose, san fernando city

sunday, 00:40 - 01:27 >>> coffee overdose, san fernando city to pulilan, bulacan

01:34 - 02:30 >>> pulilan, bulacan to makati city

10:10 - 11:30 >>> makati city to mega petron, south luzon expressway

12:01 - 12:30 >>> mega petron, south luzon expressway to san pedro, laguna

---

food :

friday : re-heated pizza
coke

saturday :

breakfast : caramel sundae, fries, and mentos mint

lunch :
rice
lechon
lengua
pork teriyaki(?) with toge
seafood dish (crabsticks, hipon, squid, veggies, etc.)
alimango
hipon
fruit salad
leche flan
pulvoron
coke light
sprite
water

dinner :
rice
lengua
pork teriyaki(?) with toge
carrot cake
cheese cake
sprite
water
chicharon

midnight snack : grande chocodamia and cheese cake

sunday : cheeseburger meal go big time and apple pie

---

friends :

* allen * driver / host / jokemeister

* luz * anxious doktora to be

* ayeen * happy mommy

* faye * still bubbly still happy girlie

* cherry * sleep deprived mcdo-freak