back track part 1

last night i stumbled on a few things that i wrote about a year ago. here they are:

~~~

01/28/2004

i held it in my hand before i went to bed hoping that she will be in my dreams.

she gave it to me. or rather, i've coaxed her into giving it to me. i remembered that she was supposed to give it to another friend. (or was it for one of her boylets?) doesn't matter, after all she gave it to me didn't she?

she couldn't resist me then. but now is a different story.

even in my dreams i don't see her...

i had to let her go... but then again, why right did i have to let go of a love that wasn't mine to begin with?

regrets is all i have...

~~~

xx/xx/2004

matagal kong pinagplanuhan ang araw na 'to. at hindi ko makakaila ang nararamdaman kong pananabik na may halong konting kaba.

syempre suot ko ang polong panligaw ng tatay ko. nagbabaka sakali lang na mahawaan ng kanyang...


~~~

10/07/2004

mura lang...
(pasintabi lang po sa aking mga mambabasa)

tangina.

ang sarap nun a. matagal-tagal na rin akong 'di nagmumura. oo nga't napapmura din ako pag nanunood ng uuap o ng boxing o pag kausap ko ang mga kabarkada kong lalake. pero not counted yun. nasasabi ko kasi yun dahil nakasanayan na.

napansin ko na noong nagsimula akong magtrabaho, tumigil ang pagmumura ko. kahit gaano kakulit o demanding ang mga kliyente o ahente na kaharap ko o kausap sa telepono, 'di ako napapamura. maliban sa bawal silang murahin, nalaman ko na mas-effective kung kakausapin ko at kung magpapaliwanag ako sa kanila nang maayos.

pero sa tanang buhay ko eto na siguro ang pinakamatindi kong pagmumura. ewan ko lang ha, pero habang naglalakad ako sa walkway, pauwi na galing sa opisina, pakiramdam ko daig ko pa ang nasakluban ng langit at lupa. sobrang dami dapat ng gagawin. sobrang dami dapat ng tatapusin. isama mo pa na ilang lingo na akong puyat at palaging hapo at gutom dahil sa trabaho. dati buntong hininga lang ang katapat nito pero ngayon...

tangina.

~~~

01/19/2004

as soon as the first minutely asundered droplets are inevitably pulled towards the sun drenched cracked asphalt, a swelling chorus of rhytmic patters is gradually percieved, signalling the premature but impecable arrival of the empyrean's divine trickle thus relinquishing humidity's herculian clutch on a volatile state of indefinite idleness.

~~~

xx/xx/2004

in the midst of the relentless assault of anxieties stands a vision of you that enables me to further tread my mullish mountain of seclusion.